The Frausto Collective

From Missed Signs to New Beginnings

To the girl reading this, you are beautiful. You are loved. You are worthy. You are important. Your body deserves kindness. Your feelings deserve a voice.

MOTHERSDAUGHTERSTEENS

9/13/20215 min read

Understanding the Journey of Overcoming Obstacles

I am writing this for the mothers, for the young girls, and for anyone who needs to understand that sometimes the signs are not always there for us to see. Sometimes our daughters smile, laugh, go to school, come home, sit at the dinner table, talk to us, and tell us they are fine, and we believe them. I know because I was that mother. I was a mother who missed the signs. I did not see what was happening behind the smile. I did not understand that my daughter could be hurting deeply while still laughing, talking, functioning, and appearing to be perfectly okay. I am not sharing this to make another mother feel guilty. I am sharing it because I know what it feels like to look back and wonder, “How did I not see it?” Sometimes there is nothing obvious to see. Our children can become incredibly good at hiding their pain. They can learn how to put on a smile, answer “I’m fine,” and continue with their day while carrying emotions they do not know how to explain.

As mothers, we often look for the obvious signs. We look for tears, anger, withdrawal, or for our child to come to us and say, “Mom, something is wrong.” But sometimes she does not. Sometimes she does not know how to tell us. Sometimes she is afraid, embarrassed, or worried that nobody will understand. Sometimes she does not even understand what she is feeling herself. Sometimes she is simply trying to survive something she does not have the words to explain. That is why I want mothers to look beyond the smile and create a safe place where our daughters know they can be honest about what they are feeling.

And to the girl who is reading this, I want you to hear this from someone who wants you to know that your life matters. If you are hurting inside, you do not have to hide it behind a smile. You do not have to pretend everything is okay when it is not, and you do not have to hurt yourself to prove that your pain is real. Your pain is already real. Your feelings are already important, and you are important. Your body is not your enemy. Your body is carrying you through this life, and it deserves your care, your patience, your protection, and your love. Please do not believe that what you are feeling today is all that your life will ever be. There is a future version of you waiting to discover what life can become. There are places you have not seen, people you have not met, dreams you have not dreamed yet, memories you have not made, and beautiful things you have not experienced. There is still so much of your story waiting to be written.

If you do not know how to get through the moment you are in, please tell someone. Tell your mom, your dad, a trusted adult, counselor, teacher, coach, pastor, mentor, or someone you trust. You do not have to find the perfect words. You can simply say, “I am not okay, and I need help.” Those words can be the beginning of something beautiful. Asking for help is not weakness. Asking for help is courage.

Recognizing Missed Signs During Tough Times

To the mother who is reading this and wondering whether you have missed something, I want you to know that you are not alone. I missed the signs too. I know the guilt that can come afterward and the questions that can run through your mind. How did I not know? Why didn’t she tell me? What did I miss? Could I have prevented it? Was she afraid to come to me? Those questions can hurt deeply, but I want you to give yourself grace. We cannot always respond to what we cannot see. Our children can hide their pain incredibly well. That does not mean we stop paying attention. It means we learn to look differently. We learn to listen beyond the words. We learn to notice changes in behavior, sleep, friendships, eating habits, school performance, interests, moods, and the way our children talk about themselves. We learn to create an environment where our daughters know they can tell us the truth without immediately feeling judged, punished, or dismissed. We keep telling them, “You can talk to me. I will listen. You are not going to get in trouble for telling me the truth. You do not have to handle this alone.”

I was a mother who missed the signs, but eventually I saw what I needed to see. I caught it just in time, and that moment changed everything. My daughter began receiving the support she needed, and today, she is flourishing. She is doing beautifully. Watching her grow, heal, and become the young woman she is today has taught me something I will never forget: there is hope. Even when you feel like you have failed your child, there is still time to show up. Even when you wish you had recognized something sooner, there is still time to listen. Even when you do not understand what your daughter is experiencing, you can learn. Sometimes the most important thing you can give your child is not the perfect answer. It is your presence. It is knowing that when she finally decides to open that door, you will be standing there.

Rewriting Stories: Embracing New Beginnings

That is why I created this journal. I did not create it as a replacement for professional help, and I certainly do not believe every girl's journey looks the same. I created it because sometimes a girl needs somewhere safe to put the words she cannot say out loud. She needs a place to write her feelings, doodle, draw, laugh, dream, and discover what she loves. She needs a place to remember who she is beyond her pain. These pages are about helping her rediscover herself and reminding her of all the things that make her unique. What makes her laugh? What makes her giggle? What is her favorite song, movie, food, color, flower, outfit, pair of shoes, or piece of jewelry? What is her favorite memory? What makes her feel safe? What inspires her? What does she love about herself? What does she dream about doing someday? If she could go anywhere in the world, where would she go? If she could become anything, what would she become? I want her to fill these pages with herself, not with what someone else expects her to be, but with the real her, the silly her, the creative her, the emotional her, the hopeful her, and the girl who is still discovering who she is.

To the girl reading this, you are beautiful. You are loved. You are worthy. You are important. Your body deserves kindness. Your feelings deserve a voice. Your dreams deserve room to grow, and your life is worth protecting. To the mother reading this, keep looking, keep listening, keep asking, and keep the conversation open. Do not be afraid to ask your daughter how she is really doing. If you discover that she is struggling, do not let shame convince you that you have failed her. Show up. Listen. Learn. Get help. Hold her hand. Remind her that she is loved, and walk beside her. I know this journey can be frightening because I have walked it as a mother. I know what it feels like to realize you missed the signs, but I also know what it feels like to watch your child flourish on the other side. So this journal is my hand reaching toward another mother, and it is my hand reaching toward another girl. From one mom to another, you do not have to know everything. You just have to be willing to listen, learn, and love her through it. And to the girl who feels lost right now, keep going. There is so much more of your story waiting to be written.

With gratitude and grace,
Brunita Lilly.